Wednesday, November 5, 2008
Speech#2 - Persuasive Speech Critiques
Post your speech critiques here. Be sure to include the topic of their speech and details that comment on three strengths and three needed improvements. You should give your speech partner some suggestions on how to make the improvements in your post. I am looking for details in this blog and not just a listing of ideas. It is your job in posting to illustrate that you understand what makes for an effective speech presentation from the point of view of the listener (receiver). Did the argument move you to take action based on the evidence? Be sure to comment on the strength of the argument regarding details, research and evidence.Please use only the person's first name.
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13 comments:
Vanessa
Topic: Thinking Outside of the Carton
You must have done a lot of research because this topic was not a easy one so I give you props for that and also your topic was very unique [something that no one else would think of]. The major mistake which your speech was the way you created your power point you didn’t use the Monroe Sequence, everything was out of place. All of your information was really good but it didn’t all click and flow the way that it could have. There was no thesis stated and you were also missing a preview of what we were going to learn about. Another thing absent was the benefits section you didn’t explain to us how all this benefitted us. Also you didn’t cite sources for each of your slides, in one of your slides you wrote that “humans lactate their whole life” but you never told us where you got that information from (we need evidence and proof). The last thing missing was your memorable statement, your conclusion was really good but you didn’t really grab all our hearts with an unforgettable statement.
More improvements you could make for your next speech is using more transitions, you lacked transitions, and everything was just clustered together. Also when you speak you need more formality you addressed us as “you guys” which was informal. The last thing I think you should improve on is reading, you referred to your cards a bit too much which made it seem like you were reading off of them. You have a very loud energetic voice which can be a very positive thing for you and it was a positive thing. You are able to speak up and get everyone’s attention which I find very impressive, and I admire you for that quality of yours.
Good things about your speech were the topic, like I said before it was very unique. Also you had a great attention grabber. Your strength was mainly in your delivery you had a loud energetic voice and also you kept great eye contact throughout the whole presentation. Your research was amazing you showed us different viewpoints you told us how cows don’t want to be pregnant. You knew what you were talking about, you were confident with yourself and that’s what counts the most so good job, you did really well :).
Speaker: Kim
The topic was illegal immigration. I think that your topic was a good choice, because it is a maain issue that we all see everyday weather it is in person or on the news. Some things that I thought were very strong in your speech was how well you connected with the auidence. You were able to stay focused on your topic and deliver the information well. The attention getter was great. You told us a story about a personal friend and really grabbed everyones attention because it was soomething that is really happening. Finally, I think your last strength was how you cited not only on your powerpoint but also out loud.
However, there are a few improvments that you could fix about your delivery. The first being your transitions. It was hard at times to understand when you went from your one point to the next. The second thing that I think you may want to think about working on for your next speech is the memorable statement. I feel like you dragged out your conclusion, when you could have just just restated your points and left us with a statement to think about and persuade us with this statement to follow what you are speaking about. Other then that I think your speech was very well researched. Overall I think you delievered the speech well, good job.
Critique Rima on the Subject of No child Left Behind
I felt that you spoke way too fast when delivering your speech. It almost seemed rushed in a sense that you didn't really leave the slides up long enough for the audience to take in and breezed through your points and argument. You obviously knew your information and researched it very well which contributed to your fluency in actually giving the speech. I thought your attention getter was too fast, you asked a question and before anyone could even respond or think about what you had asked, you answered it and proceeded onto your thesis and main points. In your persuasive speech it was more like telling the audience to agree with you rather than to absorb the information and draw the same conclusions you have on the subject, again, this is related to how fast you went through the material.
You did bring up some really good, relevant points on the overall effectiveness of the No Child Left Behind Act that many people could relate to and agree upon. The stats and facts you brought up really helped your credibility, but on rare occasion you either didn't cite verbally where you got a tidbit of information such as a statistic, or didn't cite on the slide. Some of your slides had too many words and weren't effective for maintaining the audiences' attention.
Even though you spoke fast, you didn't stutter or show any signs of being really nervous, in fact you seemed to be rather confident in the actual presentation and conveyed a sense of power and assertiveness while delivering which helps you get your point and credibility known.
In conclusion, it is clear that you knew your information and practiced a lot, had a good structure and a lot of confidence,you also didn't really allow the radiance to connect as much as they could have by speaking so fast and what seemed to be rushing through it. there were rare occasions of your slides not helping your point by much, by either lacking a cite or have too many words and not maintaining attention for the slide. Aside delivering the verbal part of the speech really fast, you moved through the slides before they could be absorbed by the audience.
Alyssa
Topic: Against medical marijuana
I believe your topic was a good choice, because it is a controversial issue which the society is trying to agree on. You had very good illustrations throughout, which really helps the receivers understand the presentation better. You had a very good understanding of your topic, you explained your sources very well and in good detail; therefore, showing evidence that you did your research. You had a lot of good information throughout the whole speech, a lot of your information was new to the viewers which is what made the speech interesting. Your eye contact was very good throughout the whole speech.
However, you need to make a few improvements. First and most importantly you did not use Monroe’s sequence, which was a very significant part for this speech. Also, you did not use the 6x6 rule as specified. I know there was no podium, however, you moved around a bit too much, which showed the viewers that you were nervous as well as distracting the receivers from listening to you. Another important improvement you need to work on is not saying um, you said um many times throughout the presentation which distracted me and probably distracted others. Facial expressions are very important, you may want to smile more; it just gives a better atmosphere, as well as better responses. You did not persuade me to take action, because it sounded like you were just giving me an informational speech rather than persuading me.
In conclusion, your speech was good for an informational speech, but not a persuasive speech.
Michall
Topic: SAT's should be taken away
I think that you choose an interesting topic because it relates well to the audience. You used a good attention getter that made everyone want to listen to what you had to say, I mean let’s face it no one wants sit and take a test for hours. I feel like you knew your information very well but you were not very clear when trying to convey the information to the audience. You did a good job with citing, you told us verbally where you received your information and also citied throughout your speech. I was confused at a few different points in your speech. A thing that you could improve on for your next speech is using transitions. This would help me understand what you are saying better and no one would get confused, everything seemed clustered together.
You used the Monroe sequence which was good but you forgot to tell us how to take action. I think that you should have given us somewhere where we could have written to or a number to call. I felt that the problems you brought up relate to real life which is always helpful, like you said money is a big issue and a reason why many people do not take such an important test. You said that the solution to the problem would to be cut down the cost but how can we do this or how are they trying to cut down the cost. One other thing that was missing was your memorable statement, your conclusion was good a little wordy but you didn’t really grab all our hearts with an unforgettable statement at the end. Overall I think that you did a good job delivering your speech.
The usage of plastic bottles was the argument for Andrew L., and a strong one at that. Andrew pinpointed very strong issues about the way people use plastic bottles. I am a person who never drinks water and yet Andrew related his speech to my life.
Andrew did have a few mishaps with reading the cards too much and staying in order, but he got the point across to stop using plastic bottles. His first issue on the topic was the harmfulness to humans. There are bacteria in the plastic that gets into our water that we drink; especially when we refill and reuse the bottles. He suggested that we use glass bottles or something other than plastic to benefit us and reduce the health problem.
Another issue that Andrew brought up was the danger it causes the environment. Plastic is a substance that is not biodegradable which means that we cannot get rid of it. The solution to this problem is to switch to glass or other substance bottles. To help the cause, Andrew had shown just where to go online to sign up to an environment friendly site. He also stated that writing a letter to your local mayor can also help the cause. Andrew may have gotten a little too wordy towards the end, but I certainly got the urge to stop using plastic bottles and I continually explain to others why they should stop as well.
Andrew you did a great job. Keep up the good work.
Speaker: Ashley
Topic: Protecting yourself while in the sun
Your topic of choice was presented well and your points on wearing sunscreen and avoiding tanning salons were well received. It was clear what message and feeling you wanted to invoke and in that respect you were successful.
Although your ideas were good and thought out, you needed to be more thorough in your descriptions of each problem, solution, and benefit. This may have been caused by the fact that you did not follow the Monroe Sequence. Laying out your speech in bullet points and directly stating each idea and the main points that follow will help keep you organized and it will translate into your speech.
Finally, you did not end your speech inspiring us to take action. I felt like I did not have anything to take away with me beyond the classroom. For the next speech, do not leave the audience hanging - make it memorable! Make those adjustments and you will be fine for next time.
Vanessa
Topic: Thinking Outside of the Carton
I wasn't present for all the speeches and this was the only speech I remembered. I know she already had a critique but I did not want to not post.
I think you picked a good topic f your interest that suited you well and was very interesting to all the audience. I enjoyed all of the weird facts. It actually made me think about milk and if it's really a necessity to have in like. So I think you did your job in persuading me!
Strengths:
1.You had great vocals and spoke well, not nervous
2.You knew your topic and wasn't afraid to step "outside the carton"
3. You had good attention getters that captured everyone like with the cartoons and wierd facts
Improvements:
1. You did not cite out loud; you must cite them while practicing your speech
2. You got mixed up with your benefits and needs and wasn't clear at the end
3. You spoke really fast ; you need to stay at a constant pace while talking.
Overall your speech was the one I found most interesting and I can tell you used all your notes from class!
Kaitlyn
Topic: Against legalizing prostitution
I really liked the attention getter, people can really relate to current events because it is a present topic that people know and have heard about. It was a great idea to use the Eliot Spitzer scandal because it showed how prostitution is corrupting many people, even government officials. You were very good at citing your sources. Every power point slide had citations and you did a good job of verbalizing them also. You also have a good conversationalist voice style, and you had good eye contact and didn’t rely on your note cards, which allowed us to connect better to you.
There were a few things that you need to improve on though. I’m not sure that most people could connect to the topic. I for one didn’t even know legalizing prostitution was a major topic among politians. Your thesis statement was “too wordy”. You need to have a more “too the point” thesis so the audience can understand it better. Even though you yourself did a good job connecting, the presentation was a little off. You didn’t follow the Monroe motivated sequence and you didn’t always use connectives to transition the speech; so I felt maybe a few people were lost. You also didn’t provide a clear way to take action. Even if people wanted to help your cause you could have shown a website or a mailing address to get more information.
Overall you did a good job with your speech. I was not aware of this topic before, but you did a good job of convincing me that we shouldn’t legalize prostitution by providing many good facts and research.
Frankie
Topic: Money Value
You obviously did a lot of research because you had a lot of information. I do think that although a speech needs a lot of research and preparation, you had enough information for another speech; that was your weakest point. I do think you had a great attention getter, you had pictures, which is always a good thing. Because pictures capture the audience’s attention. Your voice was projected well, overall you did a good job at presenting. I do believe that all the unnecessary information you gave us questioned your credibility. You had a great concept and a good ideas, it was just too wordy. You did not have a given thesis, you also did not follow the 6x6 rule, and most importantly you didn’t use the Monroe’s Sequence ( need, plan, benefit). When we were instructed to do this persuasive speech, the Monroe’s Sequence was a requirement. But despite your areas of improvements, as I mentioned before you had a great voice, and a lot of work done, but most importantly you cited your work constantly; and that’s a major part of an effective speech.
Speaker: Monica
Monica’s speech on the benefits of legalizing prostitution was very informative and insightful, and there were many strengths throughout the entire presentation. Just as in her last speech, Monica had a very good conversational style which grabbed the audience. Her idea of taking a stance that not many people take when it comes to prostitution made it easy to sit up and take interest in what she had to say right from the beginning. Also, in the beginning when showing her credibility she did an excellent job at taking the time to explain how she used her sources. There were, however, a few minor improvements to be made. The attention-getter in the beginning was a picture of a woman leaning into a car, and may have had an interesting story to go along with it, but Monica didn’t explain the picture and moved quickly into the speech. Another problem was that while she was very thorough in explaining the problems associated with the current state of prostitution, she didn’t fully explain the plans she was proposing to address these issues. Overall though, I think she did a great job!
Rima
Topic; No Child Left Behind
Rima I can tell you were really trying to put in effort in your work. In reality I barely remembered what you talked about because it did not impact me at all as a persuasive speech. Out of the notes that I had writen that day, the first thing I wrote was that you were talking way too fast! By you doing that the audience gets confused because you are trying to jam everything in at once. In every other couple of lines you would also always say " just think about it" which was distracting. You also had too much words up in the projector. You did not forget to cite verbally which was a plus. You also had good facts and you knew what you were talking about beforehand. I also liked your pictures which explained your topics. What I'd advise you to work on is your pace.
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